out of practice

Yesterday Kevin and I decided to take the kids downhill skiing and snowboarding. We used to ski alot before the kids came along. It was, by far, Kevin's favourite hobby. Of course we have not "hit the slopes" in over 14 years. But we got out the antiquated equipment and attempted to put it on. Needless to say it doesn't fit as good as it used to. But that's okay, we will adjust our plans we think...Well, once the homework and chores were done it was after 1pm. Once the kids and snowboard and old ski's were loaded, it was 2pm, once we got to town, it was 2:45....most ski hills close between 3 and 4pm, so we decided to go sliding instead. After sliding maybe 3-4 times, my daughter decides she has to go pee and can't wait...Now it is 3:30....

So, we failed to make much of an outing today. I guess we are out of practice, or maybe we never accounted for the "kid" factor. It has been a while... I feel frustrated all over again just writing this.

nabbed

He was in his sixties. He came in with a purpose. I had other customers. I noticed him, greeted him then left him to his shopping. Once the others had left I glanced his way. He was hunched over near the moccasins and his posture was odd. Ask I walked over to get a better look he abruptly headed for the door. A moccasin fell out of his coat. "Whats with the moccasin?" I asked. "I think I just kicked it." he says. After a short while and me insisting that he return the other moccasin, he handed it over. I asked him to leave, he complied, I called security. There was over $580.00 more merchandise on him when they searched him. Who would have thought...

miss you all

My hard drive crashed again. This time Kevin and I had to reload everything from scratch. It took a few days. So, here I am again. Seems like forever since I tapped out my thoughts on the keyboards. I even dreamt I was blogging. Has it really become that important in my life? I guess I look forward to recording some part of my week. I used to write a journal. I have keep journals, off and on for 20 years. The blog has replaced that. I was wondering if I should archive the writing off line, as a hard copy. There is still something so substantial about a hard copy. Electronic will never replace that feeling of holding paper in my hand. It seems so real, so solid.

Well, I am back, and I missed you all.

indoor life

"Everything is subordinated to us, fashioned for our use and our pleasure. Egotism itself, which is so necessary to a proper sense of human dignity, is entirely the result of indoor life. Out of doors one becomes abstract and impersonal. One's individuality absolutely leaves one. And then Nature is so indifferent, so unappreciative." (Wilde, The Decay of Lying)

One is unable to perceive the changes that take place each day that charges towards the solstice. However, once spring comes, the ache becomes persistant where all we can think about is going outside! Part of me withers and dies during the northern winter. Like the trees, I become dormant. Oh how I fight the indoor life. By the time I am done my "duties" it is dark outside and I am exhausted from the lack of natural light. I try to fashion my home, to motivate and energize, to inspire, to ignite my desire for life. But nothing can motivate me more than the return daylight. I long for the days when I can become abstract and impersonal, as Mr. Wilde once said.

out of reach

He wanders in and out of my thoughts at this time of year. Like a shadow, a memory - there, but somewhat out of reach. There was a time when he was here. A constant comfort that covered me like a blanket of love and security. It feels so cold now. If I go to the place where I last saw him, it is quiet, and empty. Sometimes, when I dream of him I feel the warmth from before. Its almost as if I can hear him speak. He clears his throat, I am waiting, but no sound comes. It has been 13 years since he passed away and I still love him like it was yesterday.

winter personality

When the snow comes and covers each object with a blanket, something in me changes. I love the changing of the seasons, and so I put on my winter personality as each day grows colder. In years where there is not enough cold, I feel as though something is missing. The change of the seasons give me a marker of time to measure where I have come from and where I will go. My winter personality is the one that braces its self for darkness and cold. Winter is the time when I spend hours creating, beading on leather, painting, dreaming and planning. I also love to tell stories to my kids, and seek out the companionship of friends. I wonder if I would do those things if my world was constantly warm and bright.

?

Does your touque make your head itchy?

gentle pressure

It starts off as a gentle pressure, but quickly increases to an urgency that I cannot ignore. I have to create something soon or I am going to slip away into a learned helplessness. What are the recovery rates from there? I think many operate from this mind set every day, but I do not want to be one of them. I have spent too much of my life doing what I thought I should do and very little time doing the things that I am really good at. I just have no patience for this anymore. What will it take to motivate me to take that step? Change is there, waiting in the wings. I just have to invite it in.

glance, judge, carry on.

They were on my left as I turned the corner in my warm car, he on his unicycle and she on her electric scooter. Her poodle paced impatiently underneath her feet. As they glanced at one another, the same thought crossed over their faces...' wierdo'. I continued to navigate the rush-hour traffic, but they left an impression on me.

sad goodbye

It was a tough week for our family. We had to put our big dog down on Tuesday. Unfortunately, she had been getting more aggressive with the weeks following a head injury. About a month ago, she broke loose from her line that we tied her on and wandered the neighbourhood for some 5+ hours. When she came home she was suffering from a concussion. Her head was swollen and her nose appeared to be broken. She was nauseated and weak. We brought her in for the night, not knowing what the next day would bring. In the morning she was much improved and continued to improve each day. However, she became more and more aggressive. On Sunday our neighbor brought bones for the dogs. Maggie decided to protect hers with the utmost aggression towards my son, Alec. So, I went out to correct her, and she attacked me, full force, bit me in two places. Luckily I was wearing a coat and gloves, but she bruised me and scraped the skin. I managed to get her to submit to me, but she was ready to go again at a moments notice. The next morning, I went up to her to greet her as I always do, and she launched into another attack. Luckily she was in her dog run and only got the wire this time. She left us no choice. Once a dog has habituated to attacking people, especially her owner, who has raised her from a pup, she is no good to anyone. It was a very sad day. She was a beautiful, big dog. And before she was injured she was sweet and shy. I am still looking for her every morning. I guess it will take some time.

think about it

"You can have neither a greater or lesser dominion than over yourself." Leonardo da Vinci

i had to do it

I really did not want to. I wanted to believe in the basic goodness of all people. I wanted to think that greed would not enter here. After all, what is there to be gained but the perversion of society, one person at a time. Is the collection and exchange of currency so attractive that some individuals will loose all dignity to obtain it? What part of the human mind is stimulated, satisfied by the absolute consumption of objects shiny, new, coveted. What sort of madness fuels this? I am talking about comment spam. Is there no end to the assault? I have had to turn on the word verification. I hope it will filter out the unwanted intrusion of someone elses weakeness!

Busy Day

It has been one incredibly busy day here at the gallery. Amazing. Each of the days runs one into the other. Even my sleep is filled with thoughts about work. I will welcome the time when transition is over and I have settled into my new routine. It will seem peaceful then, but only until the next change comes along and there seem to be many of those.

New View

People who enter the gallery for the first time since I have begun my changes have the same comment. I like the way things are laid out, I can see everything from here. they are talking about the position of the desk and till. I thought long and hard about where to place it, and yes, you can see everything from there. I sometimes wonder if we give as much thought to the placement of ourselves at home. Am I placing myself in the position where I can see everything? There is a sense of safety that comes from knowing you can see danger coming. I guess that is why I loved living on the prairies as a kid. I would stand out in the field and turn, looking in all directions, shading my eyes from the sun until I was satisfied that I was safe. Its a bit different living here. You might not see things until they are upon you. Part of me longs to stand in that field again, to hear the wind, watch the grasses bend and wave and feel safe.

Fun Fight

Fun Fight
Originally uploaded by My Art4Life.

There are ways to amuse oneself that don't include the computer or TV. Here's a great idea! Run out and try it with your friends. This is my grandfather, Steve and his friends amusing themselves. Steve is the one with his head hanging over the boxcar.